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Well, it's been an interesting week. Busy as hell, but interesting. It all starts with me trying to purchase plane tickets for Winter Break. I found relatively cheap tickets round trip (about $180) and knew I had about enough to purchase them. I might have had to ask to borrow some cash, but that was fine. I was going to be paid in a few days, anyway. Well, I get to the ATM machine and have to keep myself from either screaming or crying. It told me I had only 48 dollars to my name. Not possible. I had not spent about $120 from the 13th to the 18th.
I panic-- call my mom. She tells me everything will be fine and that I just need to call the bank and ask them where my money is. Okay, this is good advice. I shall call them the next day, because it is much too late to be calling banks. I'm still upset though. Ticket prices are only going to shoot skywards and I don't know where my money could have gone. Did I mess up? Was it punishment for screwing up and going red when I bought my Thanksgiving tickets? Did someone, somehow, get a hold on my account and was spending my money? Fist time my roommate and her boyfriend saw me crying-- last time, too.
Well, next day was a mixture of stress/dread/worry/panic/depression and all around negativity. Not a good day. I hadn't had time to call the bank yet, but had gone over my receipts and my statement and none of the numbers were adding up. I was in the middle of my second class of the day when all the sudden the middle of me, between my stomach and my chest feels strange and I'm feeling really jittery: exactly how I feel when I'm about to have a panic attack. Great. Just great. I'm in the middle of class and can't just walk out or anything. So I concentrated on deep breaths and trying to get my zen on until the end of the class.
After class, I call my mom. It helps moderately, but I'm still not feeling okay. So I go to my room until dinner. I'm basically holding on to my stuffed bear and trying to breath for the 15 minutes before I can leave for the cafeteria. Unfortunately, this isn't working. My heart is literally hurting and so is my left arm. Dammit. I don't have time for this! Well, I go to dinner and distract myself with food. Surprisingly, sitting alone at my table, Sara comes to sit with me. Then her friends sit with me. I'm sitting at the cool kid's table and my roommate isn't there!! o.0 Before I left Lil's, I had a banana and the vitamin B helped. Still not great, but not wholly concentrated on whether my heart is going to stop or not.
Well, I talk on the phone with the bank after dinner and they tell me that the check I had put into the bank a few days prior was taken out, because the envelope that I put the check into was empty. Not possible since I fixed the check up and put it in the envelope in the twenty feet it is from the cafeteria and the cash machine, but okay. Can I get a new check? Yes? Okay, everything is fine. Next day, Mom calls me and tells me that they took the money out of her account, so it isn't possible that the check wasn't in the envelope. Luckily, she fixes it with the bank since it hurt her more than me, and they put the money back in my account and fix my online banking for me. Yay!
Later that night, I have to see The Tempest for my Theatre class. BEST PERFORMANCE OF SHAKESPEARE EVER!! The first act was definitely Shakespeare, but with a bunch of physical comedy thrown in (Well, it is a comedy.) The second act started with the actors fighting behind stage just after intermission. We were really confused at first, but then it just got hilarious. They were shouting the funniest things. Most of it had to do with the actors not knowing their lines. So the student director comes out and starts telling us that there isn't going to be a second act, because -this is college- and no one had the time to finish learning their lines. So he was just going to tell us briefly what happened and let us go.
And then Prospero comes out. With his magical Mickey Mouse Wizard Hat and fake accent. He was soo funny. He kept yelling "BY MINE ART" whenever he did "magic" and when he was casting a spell he would put his arms over his head, pointing at whatever/whoever he was performing magic on and would go, "Bing!" Sooo funny! Well, the actors all have their scripts on them because Prospero commands them to continue on with the play, despite no one knowing what was going on. At one point, the director gets tired of Prospero continuing the play and cuts all of his lines.
William Shakespeare does not like that. He comes out and tells the director how bad a decision that is. The characters all starting going off the deep end. One of the characters gets arrested, twice, for indecent exposure. The female lead starts the women's rights movement and runs off stage screaming "I'm going to learn to reeeeeeeaaadd!" Then the characters start forgetting what plays their from. The director quickly un-cuts Prospero's lines and we continue on with the story. It was just soo hilarious! I was lucky to see it.
Next day: Friday. I go through classes and work. Stuck in the closet, again, for three hours. Ugh. Too many hours in a small, dark, dusty, musty, creepy costume closet. Anyway, I get my stuff together, quickly and meet Ricky at the bus stop. He needed help getting tickets for the show that night, so I called and put him on the waiting list because they were sold out. I purchased mine a while ago, so it didn't matter for me. Well, the bus comes and we're off to main campus.
I go to my psychiatry appointment while Ricky goes off to play with Stella for a while. Psychiatrist appointments are so short, all the time. They don't really care about anything, but how the meds are working. Mine are working just fine right now, so there wasn't much to talk about besides my panic attack. So, I call my mom, again. Chat with her. Make my way to the DUC. I did some Columbus research before texting Amanda. Luckily, she's not at work, so she can meet me for dinner! I text Ricky, too, and he said he and Stella would meet us at 5.30.
So, dinner was pretty grand. Much fun and more yummy than Oxford food. I went to go to the bathroom and apparently the hallway that it was on lead to a performance called "A Taste of Africa." I see this smartly dressed black man standing in the doorway and recognize him-- it's Seni!! Yay! I gave him a hug and we chatted for a while. We saw his twin running back and forth, but he was too busy to say anything. Apparently, he was actually a part of the performance. Not surprising that either of them are there, considering that they're from Nigeria. It was soo good to see the both of them. I miss them a lot. I can't wait to go to main campus!
So, the real reason we're at Emory: Hominid is playing! Whoo! I've been planning to see this all semester. Mostly because of Theatre, but also because it sounded amazing. Think chimps and Macbeth. You got it. Only, there were no actual chimpanzees, thankfully. Instead there were people dressed for a garden party acting like chimps would. My favorite characters were Loot (the alpha male-- he was sooo awesome!) and Dr. Janice (the anthropologist studying the chimps and their behavior). I should mention that Ricky did get a ticket and so did Stella. Ricky's ticket actually came from one of the guys in the play, but we didn't know that until we saw him on stage. Too cool. Anyway, what a spectacular performance!
Here's the fun part. This girl who tagged along with us told us that the shuttle was going to pick us up at 10PM. That's good. Show gets out at 9.30PM. We have time. Unfortunately, this girl is an idiot and looked at the bolded time on the schedual-- which is the time that the shuttle leaves our campus to come to this one. Idiot girl! It left at 9PM from this campus to get to Oxford! Next shuttle: 2AM. Dammmmit! Ricky was good enough to spend the night on campus, so it was just this girl and I waiting around for the shuttle. It's about 50 degrees out and I've only got a thin jacket. We have no where to go at this time of night.
We did end up going to the DUC, which is only open till 1AM. I was able to get a distress call out to Amanda before my phone conveniently kicked the bucket. Very luckily, she was able to pick us up and bring us to her apartment. We played Saints Row 2 and then she downloaded this adorable puzzle game for her PS3. Lots of fun. We banished dumb girl to the other room where there was television. She does not like such things as gang violence and muggings-- which is exactly what Saints Row is all about.
Thankfully, we're able to catch the right shuttle back to campus. By this point, I'm so glad this bitch didn't sit next to be on the nearly empty bus. I really dislike this girl. She's a judgmental hypocrite. She's also always going on about how depressed she is and all of this negative crap. Get over it! They gave you anti-depressants to help you, so if you don't want to accept the help, then stop complaining! You make me really aggravated when you pull me down from my chipper state. What's ridiculous is that I've got my own problems (and so, I'm sure, does the rest of my campus), but all she can see is her own craziness. Yes, I take my medication because I deserve to be happy and have a normal range of emotions. No, I'm not an idiot who can't make up her mind about whether she wants help or to just aggravate others by harping about my own problems. Get over yourself.
Anyway, I got no work done Saturday and only a bit of what I planned today. Oh well. I'll just have to work really hard to get stuff done before Thanksgiving break. Two big papers due after break and one due the day before. We'll see how it goes. Gonna write one paper tomorrow, try to get at least a book of research done, and maybe start my response paper for Anthropology. Hopefully, I can get major work done!
Tuesday, I get to come home! I'll be home late Tuesday, but I'll be home! Can't wait!! Arg! Gonna be so much fun to be home for a few days!!
Anyway, I'm about 40 minutes late for bed time. I'll talk to you guys later,
Smeagul
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Well, turns out I'm not allergic to my medication. Yet. I don't want to jinx it. I'm still on only 25 mg. I up the dose after Saturday. I can't wait to get to the full 200 mg. I really want this stuff to start working. I'm really tired of this randomly depressed thing. I don't know why, but it gets worse at night. I'll be fine all day, but at night, someone will say something or I'll be alone and suddenly I'm just so down and out. I'd say it's because I'm not getting enough sleep, but I've been trying to go to bed earlier to get more sleep. Doesn't help that my medication makes me so darn tired. I'd say I got enough sleep last night, but my eye is twitching and it usually only does that when I'm tired. *shrug*
I'm not likely to get much sleep this weekend, either. Last weekend was pretty busy/stressful/ugh, but this weekend, I'm literally busy with something different every day. Tomorrow, I go to History and take a test. Then I go to work for three hours. I'll be stuck in a closet for those three hours, trying in vain to put the costumes and props into some semblance of order. I don't know why we're doing this. If Dr. Le- would just lock the door, we wouldn't have to clean it up so often. Also, if the actors or whoever is in charge of costuming could actually put the costumes and such back where they got them, that would be super. Ugh. It's so creepy being down there by myself. I'm in a closet in, basically, the basement. It's dusty and filled with strange fake body parts and bloody baby heads and stuff. Ick. It should be illegal to stick a person in a closet for three hours.
After work, I get to do more research for my history paper. Six to eight page paper on "Why Americans should celebrate Columbus Day" (My topic, of course. I can talk about cannibals.). The sucky part of it is that I've got to do the research from only book sources. So I had to go and check out at least six books and now I've got to go through them and pick out interesting stuff about Columbus. I can't stand people who don't allow book resources. I understand if a professor wants to teach us how to use the library system, but that's why we have Freshman Writing courses. Dr. Li- says that he feels "students would be lost if they couldn't get on the computer and type in words to a search engine." Idiot, by now, we know not to site Wikipedia or non-academic sources. Anyway, I'm in the middle of writing an essay about that, so I won't rant too much here.
I'll probably hit dinner before I'm supposed to show up to work the Andy Irwin event. I specifically signed up for his event, because the last time I attended, it was hilarious. I bought two of his CDs. I can't buy anything anymore due to my financial situation, but it'll be great just to go. And I don't have to usher. I can actually do what I signed up for and be a tech assistant! Yay! Not that I'll have much to do. Wm will have set up all the equipment. Most I'll have to do is take tickets and then wrap all the cords up at the end. Oh well.
After that, I'll be off to get dressed and ready. I bought my ticket for Fall Formal today. Haha. Took me that long to decide that I was going to go. I'm probably going to hang around with my roommate and her friends, since I don't have any of my own. I'm a little worried/sad, because unlike the club, there probably won't be anyone who wants to dance with me, specifically. But I won't focus on that. I'm sure it'll be fun dancing with the girls. I've been dying to go dancing for a long while. Yesterday, I put my headphones on and got on the elliptical and just imagined that I was dancing instead. I'm so lame. Oh well.
We're going to be really late/early getting back to Oxford. Then I've got to focus on getting more research done, doing my psychology with Ricky, and writing up my Anthropology exam. That next weekend is going to be really busy, too. What the heck? I'll have to write a five page paper for Psychology, still be doing research, go to the Psychiatrist, spend the night with Amanda, come back to Oxford to go to the mall (I want to try on dresses at hot topic!), go back to Amanda's place and play video games on her new PS3, and do even more psychology homework. It never ends!
At least I get to go home for Thanksgiving. I won't really be able to see anyone, since break is only four days long. I'm really excited to see my mom, who I know is excited to see me. Actually, the only people who have expressed any sort of excitement over me coming home is my mom and my aunt. Whoo! (Remind me why I'm coming home again?) I shouldn't have any homework to worry about over the break (except last minute history research). I'm still worrying about how I'm going to get myself from the airport to Oxford again, after the break. If I can get to Emory, I would be set, because I could get on the shuttle to my campus. I just need some way to get to Emory. And since I have no friends, I have no one I could ask to pick me up or drop me off anywhere. Yay!
...Anyway...
*sigh*
It's time to take my meds and I've got to get back to studying/research. I want to finish going through this book by tonight and it's an early night tonight. Early class tomorrow.
Also, guys. Check out www.symphonyofscience.com. It's awesome.
Bye.
Smeagul
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Well, it's not much of an update, but more of an informative gesture.
So, I've been seeing the counselor here at Oxford for the last three-four weeks. She sent me to the psychiatrist at Emory on Friday. I'm now on medication. It's called Lamictal and it's an anti-convulsant. Don't worry, guys. I don't have any problems with seizures. Apparently, psychiatry is a lot like magic. A medication that they use for one specific purpose can also work for other purposes without any explanation. No, I don't have seizures. I am bi-polar. Yippee! They actually use this sort of medication as a mood stabilizer for people who have more depressive episodes than manic ones.
I'm on day four of my medication and I'm supposed to keep gradually upping the dose until I'm at 200 milligrams. Apparently, taking too much at once can increase the risk of getting a fatal/seriously damaging rash. The kind where your skin can start flaking off. Niiiiice. The medication itself isn't supposed to start showing effects until after eight weeks, when I should be at the 200 milligram mark.
I have lab work tomorrow morning, which is actually a good thing at this point because I think I might be allergic to the medication. The roof of my mouth itches and there are a few small cuts there that have come out of nowhere. My throat actually started hurting after I took today's dose, which is probably a bad thing. That's how I learned that I'm allergic to peppermint- my throat started to hurt after I ate it. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid, but I've noticed that my skin has been itching all over. The funny thing is, these are all symptoms of a food allergy and I'm not sure whether an allergy to medication would produce the same effects.
So, I need to get in contact with the student health services at both schools and see whether or not I'm allergic. If I am, this whole thing starts over again only I can't take medicines that my brother and sister have been on (the anti-convulsants). I just hope I don't have to go on lithium or anything like that because they have to constantly check blood chemistry to make sure a person has the correct amount. My mom doesn't want me to be on anti-depressants, but that may be what they have to resort to in order to replace the Lamictal.
Ugh, I'm so tired of seeing doctors and counselors and psychiatrists. I really hoped that this would work and I could just get on with my life. Hopefully, I'm just being paranoid. I'll get it checked out and find out what I should do from there.
I'm trying not to be ashamed of it, so that's why I'm putting this here for everyone to see, if anyone still reads this at all. Just thought it information that my friends should have, just to know, y'know? I'm having a bit of difficulty in accepting it, but I'll get there.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know.
Talk to you later,
Love,
Smeagul | | |
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I've had a pretty fantastical weekend. I really needed to talk about it, but since its 2AM (YESSS, for once Daylight Savings Time doesn't kill me!) there's no one available. They're either dead asleep or still partying. What the hell, it's All Hallow's Eve. Let them celebrate as they will. So, next best thing: Xanga. Huzzah.
My weekend started on Friday. I had to skip class (I only have one on Fridays) to wait for a taxi. Yup. Chilly out and windy and I'm standing in the breezeway of Beta and the Student Health Services buildings waiting for an un-marked car to pick me up. Not sketch at all.
I did learn that taxi drivers do, indeed, talk to one as they drive. Seriously, mister, I really did not need to know that you got yourself a sinus infection when you mowed your lawn. Also, GPS devices can make any person into a taxi driver. The guy didn't know how to get from Oxford to Atlanta without it. *shug* It's whatev. I wasn't paying for it. It was fine for a one-way drive. At least he didn't try to kidnap me. ^_^
He did try to kill me, though. He could have let me off in the parking section of the Emory campus Student Health Services building, but no. He lets me off in front of the building in the middle of morning traffic. At an intersection where the light has just changed from red to green. Hurray.
You guys are probably wondering what I am doing in front of the Student Health Services buildings. Or you could have just skipped over that as unimportant blather. Either's fine. But if you were wondering, the answer is: I'm preggers.
...
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JUST FUCKING KIDDING.
HAHAHAHAH.
Seriously, folks, I'm just seeing the psychiatrist.
Well, I went from just seeing the counselor at Oxford to seeing a psychiatrist at Emory. And, of course, there was no communication between them. My counselor could have just explained the situation to the psychiatrist, but no. I had to explain the whole situation over again. Which, I understand to a certain extent. They can't prescribe anything when they haven't heard the story from the patient's mouth. However, they could at least skip over that whole "And what brings you here today?" question.
Anyway, the meeting lasted more than the 50 minutes my counselor guesstimated it would take. More than an hour later, I left the building with a prescription for Lamictal, two more appointments with the psychiatrist, and a list of labs I need to have done over at Oxford. And, oh yeah, it's raining. It's cold and raining and I've only got my jacket and a backpack with my computer in it. Also, I have no idea where I am. Whee!
I didn't really have any trouble finding the DUC, though. I kind of vaguely wandered until I saw construction that looked familiar. Go me! When I got there, there was some sort of magical party happening. There were ducks everywhere. Duck balloons. A giant inflatable duck. A MAN IN A DUCK SUIT WEARING A DUCK SHIRT. He walked right past me!! o.o I never found out what the duck party was for. I was talking to my mom until Amanda called and told me she'd come find me in a moment.
We went back to her apartment and put on our costumes. We were dressed as cats. I took a more Rocky Horror take on my costume and Amanda was more gothic-punk. I was wearing my combat boots, black pants, white t-shirt, black vest, and kitty ears. I also did my make-up. Had lots of lime-green eyeshadow over my eyes, across the bridge of my nose, and out to my temples. Also made really noticeable lines across my cheek bones in pink blush and put on my 10-hour pink lip stick. I took my eyeliner and made some fun designs at the corners of my eyes. I did Amanda's eye make-up like mine, only hers was in purple.
I got to sit in on her Religion class around 2PM. It was mystical. I've seen her professor twice, but I've never seen the REAL him. Seriously, folks. I don't even know what his hair looks like. Both times I've seen him, he's been dressed as a Rivendale elf, from Lord of the Rings. He calls himself the Rivendale Janitor. ^_^ His costume is quite good, complete with dagger, which we passed around class before it started. Dr. R is mystical. There's no other word for it. All I know about him is that he's British, teaches Religion classes at Emory, he's going to self-publish novels, he's never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show (and doesn't want to) and he can't draw horses. Funny thing is, that's as much as Amanda knows about him and she's been taking the class all semester! o.o;;
On the way back from class, we inevitably met up with Seni. It doesn't matter. Every day that I go to Emory with all of the thousands of students on the campus, I see both Seni and Tola at one point or another. I glomped him (Amanda said I tore of my cat ears dramatically when I was running to hug him, but they're just impossible to keep one while running.) We got on the shuttle all together and he followed us back to Amanda's apartment. We ended up showing him two episodes of Coupling before he had to leave. Amanda was sitting in the computer chair by the desk and Seni and I were sitting on her bed. There were some moments in the show that were so funny that Seni and I were basically draped over each other, laughing. I LOVE Coupling!
Seni went to go eat dinner with someone (that boy is the busiest thing I've ever seen on two legs) and Amanda and I decided to go out to eat at Everybody's Pizza. She hadn't gone before and I've gone thrice. I love that place. It's a little expensive, but totally worth going to eat. It didn't help that I found out that they have raspberry lemonade, which is the most expensive drink next to alcohol. Damn, it was good though. I got the vegetable pizza sandwich, which is one of my favorite things ever to eat, now.
Amanda and I walked back to campus and took pictures as we went. Neither of us had pictures of the Emory campus. We watched Coupling and talked. I was just so tired, that I was falling asleep during the discussion. I felt bad, but no matter what I did, I was falling asleep. So we went to bed a little early, by our standards.
Got up later today, so we didn't rush to get onto the noon shuttle back to Oxford. Instead, we got onto the shuttle after watching some more Coupling, and hung out at the DUC until the shuttle came. We met up with Hyun Chung, who was in my dance class last year. (We, of course, also see Tola eating there.) We ate dinner at the DUC (nachos and a piece of pizza, both delicious next to Lil's food). When I got back to my room, my roommate and Sara were getting ready to go out. Jessica was dressed as a slutty nurse and Sara was dressed as a French maid. They were going clubbing and invited me to go along. So I got ready quite quickly and off we went.
We had to find Tara before we went, who was Trick or Treating. We had no idea where she was except for the street she was on, so Sara and Fielding were shouting her name out the windows at the trick or treaters. SOOO funny. They were getting pissed! But we finally found her and forced her into the car. She was dressed as Twister ("Left hand on green" Twister, not a tornado). (Fielding was dressed as a sailor, by the way.) We had to get gasoline on the way and that would have been unnecessary to include if the car we passed by didn't have people having sex in it. Yes, a lady was quite definitely giving a man a blow job right in the middle of a gas station. We circled around so we could see it again. ^_^
Anyway, the club was really fun. It started off slow, because the live band was playing Salsa music. Out of all of the ballroom dances I've briefly been taught, I've never learned Salsa. It wasn't really a problem until one of the guys there wanted to dance with me. I think one of them got frustrated that I couldn't figure the dance out (seriously, I can't hear your instructions when we're dancing underneath one of the speakers), because he left in the middle of the song to get a drink and never came back. Oh well. *shrug* He was unimportant. When they started to play more hip-hop music and it got more crowded as the night went on, there were a lot more guys who wanted to dance with me. Two of them were gentlemen and asked me if I wanted to dance before doing so. One of them didn't mind that I sucked at Salsa (when they played a random song).
There's no other place where you understand how creepy guys can be until you've gone clubbing. I've used the word "guys" when describing the people dancing with me. I'm pretty sure all of them that I danced with were in their late twenties and thirties. And most of them would just come up behind me when I was dancing and push themselves up behind me. Let's just say there was a lot of excitement going on.
One dude was a real creep. He started dancing with me and then left and then came back again a few minutes later. His excitement was really ... noticeable. So I grabbed Tara and danced with her and when the guy came up behind me while I was dancing with her I mouthed "Don't let go!" Tara's such a sweetheart, she pulled me away to dance with her in a different spot. The guy got the hint after that. Another guy did the same thing where he just came up behind me out of nowhere. He had my hands in his and had wrapped both of our arms around me and he was holding on pretty tight. That was fine, until his fingers started to wander toward the buttons on my shirt. He tried to stick his fingers into my shirt, but I moved our arms away. A song later, my legs were starting to hurt, so I turned around and danced with him face to face. Finally, I see what this guy looks like!
Of course, dancing face to face means we have to talk all of a sudden. He asked me what my name was and a bunch of other questions. I told him my name was Barbie and that I live in Florida and was only in Georgia visiting for the week. He told me his name was Antonio and that he was in his 30's. He also kept telling me that I was really pretty and beautiful. Thanks, Antonio. Just what I need to hear from a drunk 30 year old.
Despite the creepiness of guys, it was really fun going clubbing. I would totally do it again. I loooove dancing. The creeps and the coming out smelling like alcohol and cigarettes is totally worth it. Especially when you're with a fun group of people. We all stuck together the whole time (even when we girls were asked to dance by the men- folk) and helped each other out when we needed it.
Well, now it's REALLY late. I've got soooooo much homework to do, it's not even funny. Tomorrow will be a blast, but hey, I had a great weekend otherwise.
I hope you all had a great Halloween!!
Love,
Smeagul
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